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*BRITAIN'S FOREIGN AID*
Or, sending £12bn abroad
while cutting £12bn at home.
Britain's government has generously sent aid (using money paid in taxes by British citizens, who were not consulted) to the following:
Ruanda - now in civil war
Russia - to combat corruption...
India - to help with their space programme
Ethiopia - for health and education (while reducing expenditure on these back in the UK)
Congo and Nigeria - for police stations (while closing them in the UK)
Bangladesh and Malawi - for their police (while reducing staff back home)
East Africa - for education - £1bn - (while reducing back home)
Montserrat - for building beach bars
The above is factual.....
SCENES FROM THE LIVES OF GRATEFUL RECIPIENTS OF AID. VISIT THE NEEDY - SEE THEIR PAIN
Scene 1 - a Lamborghini Showroom
Scene 2 - a French Riviera Estate Agent's office
Scene 3 - a Munitions Factory
A personal invitation to a slap-up meal!
Lunch with the folks who administer our Foreign Aid. Join them at their table in a luxury restaurant. Take your chair here:
Head-hunter interviews MP looking for a job.
170 MPs lost their seats and now need work!
THE EU REFERENDUMB
Overheard in the corridors of Westminster:
"They must be made to vote to stay in - I don't care what it costs."
Are you going to rebel against me?”
“Well, it is a question of principle for me, Dave.”
“Principle? Are you kidding? You should have only one principle, you idiot. To stay elected and do as I say. Listen. Do you want to go on any more fact-finding trips abroad? Do you want to head up a Select Committee and get more pay? Or do you want to get dropped off the next round of Cabinet changes? Do you want your expenses reviewed again? Do you want your wife to hear about your little love-nest in Westminster Mews? Eh?”
“I see what you mean. You can count on me, Dave.”
“Right. Who's next?”
know, I'm not sure if Dave is alright these days. Do you think he's
got some mental affliction? Everything he says is wrong. Everything
he suggest is unworkable. Perhaps we should take some soundings and see
if we can put up an alternative. What do you think?”
“Worth a try. Another double?”
thanks. What do you think about finding a pleb for an alternative? It
would help us get over our image of being the toffs' party.”
“Do we have any plebs in the party?”
“Couldn't say. Have to ask around.”
“How much money do we have?”
“Not a lot, really.”
“Well, do something about it. I want to give more away.”
“To whom? The EU?"
“Of course not! The Foreign Aid Budget. I want to increase it by £5bn.”
“That's a lot, Dave. In view of the current circumstances.”
“Don't talk to me about circumstances! Find the money. Fast.”
“And here's another thing. You'll soon be able to call me Mr. President."
“I'm making myself President and advising the Cabinet this afternoon.”
WHEN THE NHS IS PRIVATISED - A TOUCHING SCENE
"Morning, darling! How are you feeling today? Got your credit card ready? That's good then, here's your pill. Now then, Robert, have you had a word with your bank manager? No? Oh dear. Then Nursie can't give you your medicine today. Let's hope we can catch up tomorrow. Where's Ethel? Eh? Really? she's down at the morgue? Oh, I remember. She's got Endrophylic Syndrome, hasn't she? Too expensive to treat, that is. Oh well, she's gone to a better place. You're looking down, Herbert. Wifey didn't bring any money? She'd better look sharp. You've got two more days to raise the necessary or else we'll have to turf you out."
"A Politician's First duty is to get Re-elected."
SEPP BLATTER'S LAST INTERVIEW BEFORE RESIGNING
Read The Complete Revelations in:
'The Government's Top Salesman Tells All'
(as told to John Problem)
Reviewed as 'irreverent and very funny; cracking pace; a hilarious romp through a government gone wild; timely"
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For other John Problem books, please visit amazon.co.uk/-/e/B009EPZEQW
'The Search For Gabriella'
'The Bankers' Assassin'
'The Fearless Four and the Messenger'