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Britain Voted for a New Government on May 7




Congratulatory Letters to the re-elected British Prime Minister have been received from:

The Global Institute of Tax Havens
The U.K. Health Care Privatisation Syndicate
Various addresses in Russia
Various addresses in the Emirates
Various addresses in Kensington and Chelsea
The Lord Mayor of the City of London
The Society of London Estate Agents
The Luxury Accommodation Constructors' Bureau
The Bankers' Institute
The Daily Telegraph, The Daily Mail, The Times et al
The Lobbyists' Association
French and German Utility Companies
The US Republican Party (Although they got the address wrong – they thought it was No 1, Downing Street.)
Cabinet members and wannabe Cabinet members.
The President of Mogamba-Ogowe who was elected with 99.7% of the vote in his country.



First of all, find a spinmeister – or two. Preferably foreign - but English native tongue of course. Australian and American are the top choice in these matters. They can introduce a new level of vituperation based on experience.

Secondly, ensure the media is on your side. Not difficult if you are in favour of oligarchs and moguls. A daily circulation of 6 million is helpful. 6 million readers who can be told how good you are for the country and how bad the opposition would be. Especially its leaders, who can be pilloried, ridiculed, attacked every day – personally, so that matters of policy are not discussed.

Ensure no media coverage of any new parties, unless it's bad news for them, of course.

Thirdly, set up a team of, twitterers, and social media geeks – to put out a tsunami of information about how great you are for the country, for the hard-working families of Britain, etc.

Also, a team of writers to send letters to the press – as above.

Also, a team of geeks to delete any unfavourable material on the internet.

Finally, make any promises you like - that are approved by the spinmeisters of course - knowing there will be absolutely no need to keep them, once in power.



34% of people entitled to vote, didn't.

Which means that the Tory party – which won 37% of those who did vote – represent in government only 24% of the populace.

Ukip got 13% of the vote, equivalent to one third of the Tory vote, but gets only 1 seat,
whereas the Tories get 331 seats.

The Green Party had 1.2 million voters and got 1 seat.
SNP had 1.5 million voters and got 56 seats.

That's democracy in the British manner.



Out of the EU

Scotland independent

NHS fully privatised

BBC privatised

State schools run by business

Constituency Boundaries changed to suit Tories

90% of workers on zero hour contracts

Employment rights slashed

60% of children live below poverty line

Benefits slashed

45,000 food banks

Prison population increased by 300%

VAT increased to 22.5%

Tax Evasion Laws relaxed

Tax avoidance legally accepted

Human Rights Act scrapped

Ditto climate change

London skyscapers top world league

27th in prosperity league - down from 9th in 2015

'Suppression of Dissension' Law passed

Passports introduced for all residents north of Watford

Kensington and Chelsea given tax-free status

MPs number 750 and Lords 1000 – all expenses paid

Prime Minister status changed to that of President.

Eton almost bought by Qatar. Saved by Presidential decree.





HERE'S A CHECK-LIST                                     Russia China M-O UK

Controlled Press                                                     Yes Yes Yes Yes

Leader chosen from the elite                                    Yes Yes Yes Yes

Leader supported by Oligarchs                                 Yes Yes Yes Yes

Internet attack teams                                              Yes Yes Yes Yes

Tax avoidance allowed and encouraged                     Yes Yes Yes Yes

Tax-payer billions given as foreign aid                       No No No Yes

Colonial ambitions                                                   Yes Yes No No

World centre for money laundering                            No No No Yes

High energy costs to citizens                                     No No No Yes

Costly tertiary education                                          No No No Yes

Poor quality, ill maintained infrastructure                   Yes Yes Yes Yes

No appeal against leader                                         Yes Yes Yes Yes

No demonstrations allowed near leader                     Yes Yes Yes Yes

Cult personality developed for leaders                      Yes Yes Yes Yes

Controlled elections                                                Yes Yes Yes Yes

Huge tax-payer funded spin industry                        Yes Yes No Yes


'controlled press' refers to major newspapers supporting leader.

'no appeal against leader' – in the case of the UK, once every five years.

'controlled elections' refers to media pressure, skewed polls, internet attacks, etc.


A Report from An Economist:

It's difficult to predict how long a government can get away with fake growth, fake jobs, fake inflation numbers, and fake optimism.  Economic data understate inflation and overstate growth. Since the financial crisis the economic situation has been one of almost complete stasis. It is better to acknowledge this in the interests of the country and deal with it, rather than hide it in the interests of party politics.


Report from Westminster - Advice For A New MP:

"Right now I'm sure you're full of idealism and I admire you for it.  But if you want to succeed there are a few, perhaps unpalatable, but nonetheless essential rules.  Always do what the Whips say. Don't dare to disagree. Toe the party line and you will be rewarded with foreign trips - all expenses paid - be put on Select Committees, which means extra pay, and if you're reasonably articulate you'll get brownie points galore.  I know the pay is not wonderful but you can make it up with expenses. A modest amount of imagination is acceptable and if you do charge something which is OTT, you needn't worry about your constituency hearing about it.  All expense reviews are conducted in secret, now.  Be very careful of the media, the press and the BBC.  If you're going to make a speech to an important gathering, always show the draft to the Press Office. Very useful people. If you get into trouble for anything, go to them before making a statement swearing your innocence. They have an excellent rebuttal meister. I see you're single, so you'll be able to enjoy our 14 bars and 9 restaurants all of which are remarkably good value as they are subsidised by the grateful tax-payers.  And finally, remember this.  A politician's first duty is to get re-elected."


A Plea For The Future:

"It's such a pity that this country doesn't go in for 'coups d'etats'. What a pleasant change it might be to have, say, MI6 or Disneyland taking over at Number Ten and running the country. Getting rid of that abomination 'first past the post, dis-allowing politicians from making vote-getting legislation which screws up the future.  Giving us a break from the daily clap-trap and rhodomontade about what we must do and what we mustn't do. Making it mandatory for anybody with political power to visit the country outside London (if they can find it) at times other than elections.  Heady thoughts, my fellow plebs!





The University for Political Formation - Enrol Now!

Enjoy the Westminster Experience - BOGOF!



 ....a riveting account of how Dave and Nick sold off Britain to pay the interest on the National Debt

Read The Complete Revelations in:

'The Government's Top Salesman Tells All' 

(as told to John Problem)

Reviewed as 'irreverent and very funny; cracking pace; a hilarious romp through a government gone wild; timely"

Extract here:

Bryggs Introduces Himself

On Amazon - Paperback and Kindle 

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For other John Problem books, please visit

'The Search For Gabriella'

'The Bankers' Assassin'

'The Fearless Four and the Messenger'

'Disraeli's Gamble'



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